Humour For Health - August 2008

One Gopi to Mother Yashoda: "Your son has become proficient in the art of stealing. He has a hundred ways of stealing curds and butter from my house. He eats some of it and the rest he gives to the monkeys which wait on the tree. He then breaks the pots. His mischief is too much."

Another Gopi: "We cannot always keep guard over the butter pot. So we keep it in a dark room in a dark corner. Your son does not care how dark the room is. The jewels He wears are like lamps. He finds out where the pot is placed and steals all the butter if we are not there."

EXTRACTS FROM “HUMOUR FOR HEALTH”

A Practical Vedantin

Radhakrishna had read a few books on Vedanta, such as Vichar Sagar, Panchadasi and Atma Bodha. He thought within himself that he was a great Vedantin and a fully realised soul. He never studied the books under a Guru, and did not get any initiation either. The practice of meditation and contemplation was unknown to him.

One day, Radhakrishna went to a shop for a cup of milk. While drinking the milk he was philosophising within himself: "There is only one eternal Self everywhere. I have also read that 'everything is mine, all is mine, all is Brahman.' So let me become a practical Vedantin now."

The shopkeeper had to go to a neighbouring merchant to purchase some sugar. The box in which the money was kept was open. He forgot to lock it.

Radhakrishna quietly took out a one hundred rupee note from the box and walked away silently down the street. He thought within himself: "This money-box is mine, this money is mine, everything is mine. Only today I have realised the right significance of Vedanta. How very practical Vedanta is! How beautiful it is to live in the true spirit of Vedanta! How happy I am! The wealth of the whole world is mine now. Everything is mine."

The shopkeeper returned and found the money-box open. He counted the money and found that a hundred rupee note was missing. He immediately ran down the street and caught hold of Radhakrishna. He handed him over to the police inspector.

Radhakrishna then had to appear before the district magistrate for trial.

Magistrate: "Radhakrishna, did you take the hundred rupee note from the shopkeeper's box?"

Radhakrishna: "Yes, your Lordship, I took it from the box."

Magistrate: "Why did you take it?"

Radhakrishna: "I wanted to practise and feel Vedanta in daily life. I desired to live in the spirit of Vedanta. I have read the Vedantic books which state that 'everything is mine, all is mine'. So I thought that the money in the box is mine and I took it. I have not stolen the money. I am not a thief. "

Magistrate: "Very beautiful Vedanta indeed! The world is really in dire need of such Vedantins. Then only will the misery of the world come to an end.

"Well, Radhakrishna, now listen to the other part of Vedanta. It says: 'I am not the body, I am the Self.' Let me see how far you have conquered attachment to your physical body and whether you have really gone above body-consciousness."

The magistrate asked the police constable to thrash him severely with a whip.

Radhakrishna cried out quite bitterly, saying, "O my Lordship! I have not put this part of Vedanta into practice. It is difficult. I am only the body now. Kindly ask the constable to stop beating me. I cannot bear the pain any longer. I will swoon shortly. I have realised my folly now.
Real Vedanta is really very difficult to practise. I have come to my senses now. I will not commit such foolish acts in future."

The magistrate said, "Radhakrishna, go and live with a Brahma-nishta Guru for twelve years. Serve him with devotion. Study the Vedas under him carefully. Develop the divine qualities. Hear, reflect, meditate and realise your true Self. Then only can you say, 'I am Brahman. All is mine.' "

Radhakrishna obeyed the instructions of the wise magistrate. He proceeded to Rishikesh and found a Guru. He lived with him for a period of twelve years, practised rigorous austerities and meditation and finally realised the Self.

In these modern days, lip-Vedantins are in abundance. There is much Vedantic gossiping. There are many Radhakrishnas. Mere talk on Vedanta, mere study of Vichar Sagar or Panchadasi cannot make one a practical Vedantin. Practical Vedantins are rare.

You must have a correct and proper understanding of the scriptures and the words of the Guru. You have to remove the impurities and tossing of the mind. You have to tear the veil of ignorance. You have to struggle very hard. Rigorous Sadhana has to be done. The false identification with the body has to be conquered. The three Gunas, the five sheaths and the three states have to be transcended. Then only will you rest in your own essential divine nature, or Satchidananda state. Then only can you become a practical Vedantin or Jivanmukta.

Glory to practical Vedantins who have realised their Atman! May their blessings be upon you all!

Why Man Leaves Home!

The Master was sitting in the office, glancing through some proverbs. The ladies were sitting on his right.

He turned to them and said, "Three things drive a man out of his house-smoke, pain, and a scolding wife!"

All burst into laughter.

(From Sivananda's Gospel of Divine Life)

Chipak Mahadev

It was the custom in a village in India that two months after marriage, the bridegroom should visit a friend of the father-in-law, accompanied by a barber.

This problem also faced the hero of this story. So a barber was sought. But the barber was very clever. He insisted that he would accompany the bridegroom on condition that he wore exactly the same kind of clothes that the bridegroom wore during the visit. This being agreed upon, the bridegroom and the barber set off.

When the party neared the appointed home, the clever barber asked the bridegroom to remain outside so that he could inform the family beforehand about his august arrival. The simple-natured bridegroom obeyed.

Now the cunning barber went into the house and told the lady of the house that he had left his luggage with his servant outside the house, and that he may be sent for. So the whole family took the bridegroom to be the servant and treated him as such, while the barber was treated like a prince. The poor bridegroom had to suffer in silence.
This went on for quite some time.

One day, it happened that there was no fuel in the house. The lady of the house then requested the barber-bridegroom if she could send the servant to the jungle to bring some firewood. The cunning barber quickly and willingly gave permission.

So the simple bridegroom departed to the forest and collected some wood. As he had forgotten to take a rope along with him, he did not know what to do. Struck with sorrow, he sat on the spot and began to weep over his fate. Luckily for him, Lord Siva and Mother Parvati passed that way, and the all-compassionate Mother, on seeing the bridegroom weeping, was filled with pity. She asked Lord Siva to enquire of the weeping man the cause of his sorrow. Lord Siva wanted to ignore the man, but the Mother insisted on knowing the cause. When the Lord asked the ill-fated bridegroom what made him weep, he
related the whole story.

The Lord consoled the man and advised him that if he simply uttered the words, "Chipak Mahadev", anything will stick in a marvellous manner. The poor bridegroom instantly tried the words on the wood, and all the sticks stuck together. He placed the bundle on his head and reached the house.

On his arrival, he saw the barber taking milk. When he took the cup to his lips, the bridegroom quietly uttered the mysterious Mantra, "Chipak Mahadev". The cup instantly stuck to the barber's lips! The barber was in an awkward situation. In the meantime, when the lady of the house
saw that he was not able to remove the cup from his lips, she was surprised, and herself attempted to remove the cup. But as she placed her hand on the cup, the bridegroom again uttered the Mantra, "Chipak Mahadev". The poor woman remained where she was, unable to move
her hand. One by one, all the members of the family were caught in the trap, and there was a train of helpless victims all stuck together!

A pundit who lived nearby was urgently summoned. He came riding on a horse. Just as he alighted, he held the tail of the animal. Quietly, the bridegroom repeated the mystic words. The pundit was wonderstruck-he just could not take his hands off the tail!

Now the pundit reflected that all the members of the house were victims of this "sticking business", except one man. So he lovingly called the bridegroom to his side and asked him what all this meant, and how it was that he alone escaped from the punishment.

The good-natured bridegroom related the whole story. All were just wonderstruck and ashamed at treating the real bridegroom in such a disgraceful manner. The bride groom then prayed to Lord Siva, and everyone was released. The barber was given a sound thrashing which
he well deserved. He was forthwith driven out of the house.

The moral of this humorous story is that the human ego masquerades in different garbs and plays all sorts of mischief. It apparently succeeds for some time. But when its true nature is discovered, it either disappears or is driven out.

Dealing With the Ego

Once, a particularly egoistic officer from Delhi came to the Master in the office. He gave an elaborate introduction of himself, applauding all his achievements. As usual, the Master gave him a patient hearing and, instead of getting annoyed at his vanity, he eulogised him further. The man was greatly pleased and left with an air of importance.

The Master then turned to the disciples present and said, "That is one way of tackling the ego. Blow it up like a balloon and eventually the whole thing will burst! All laughed at the Master's humour.

(From Sivananda's Gospel of Divine Life)

Queen Kekayi

Kekayi was the queen of King Kekaya. She was the mother of Kaikeyi. The king of Kekaya possessed a sound knowledge of the language of beasts, birds and insects. This was conferred on him by sage Samika.

The sage, on conferring this boon, said, "O King, I give you this boon by which you will be able to know what the birds and the beasts talk amongst themselves. But mind you, if you reveal any of their conversations to anyone just to satisfy their curiosity, your head will burst into a thousand pieces."

One day, the king was seated with his queen in the garden. He observed an ant taking a grain of rice and hurrying with it to its hole. Meanwhile another ant came across and said to it, "Friend, I am very hungry. Please give me that grain of rice."

The first ant replied, "No, I cannot, because you belong to a higher caste. You cannot accept the grain from me as I am of a lower caste."

At this differentiation and petty distinction even amongst the little insignificant ants, the king burst into uncontrollable laughter.

The queen, who was sitting by his side, enquired of him the reason for his laughter. The king could not reveal the truth on account of the warning of the sage. He tried to evade the queen.

But the queen persisted. She said, "You are hiding something from me. I will not take meals or do anything until and unless you reveal this secret to me."

The king was in a fix. He did not know what to do. At last he said, "My beloved, I am prohibited from telling you on account of the warning of Rishi Samika. If I tell you, my head will burst into a thousand pieces. What am I to do now? Give up this obstinacy and save me."

The queen stubbornly replied, "I do not mind what the consequences may be of your telling me the secret. I do not care. I want to know the reason for your laughter."

Women of this type, like Kekayi and Kaikeyi, are many these days. They are obstinate and arrogant. This is quite unbecoming of them. They should be ideal wives like Nalayani and Savitri.

When the king found no means of appeasing the curiosity of his wife, he said, after deep thought, "You want to know the secret even at the cost of my life? So then, I shall reveal it to you at Benares, where dying, I shall attain liberation."

The next day the king and queen set out for Benares. On arriving there, the queen again pressed the king to reveal his secret. The king said, "I will tell you what it is after three days."

The king was sunk in sorrow, reflecting over his fate. He left for a lonely trip to the neighbouring hills. He went and sat under a tree, as he was tired of walking, and was hungry also. Suddenly he heard two goats quarrelling.

The she-goat was saying to the he-goat, "Get me the grass hanging in the well, otherwise I will not live with you. I will part from you forever."

The he-goat replied, "What a fool you are! Do you not see that it is risky to get to the grass over there? I will fall into the waterless pit and die."

The she-goat said, "I do not care about that. I want that grass no matter what."

The he-goat became very furious, and he butted the she-goat with his horns so severely that she began to bleed profusely. She then gave up her obstinacy and begged for pardon.

The king got the clue. He went back to the queen. As usual, she insisted on his revealing the secret. The king then took a long cane and thrashed her severely right and left, saying, "I will kill you today if you persist in this query. What do you want now? Tell me frankly, do you still insist on hearing the secret?"

The queen was terrified at this behaviour of the king. She begged his pardon and said, "No, my lord. Save me. I do not want to know any of your secrets. Pray, stop this cruel treatment. Let us live happily from today."

The mind is also persistent and stubborn like the queen of Kekaya. O aspirants, be on the alert. Do not yield to temptations. Your boat will capsize if you are careless. Do not allow the water to enter the boat. Sail smoothly on the waters. Live in the world but do not let the taint of the world affect you. Conquer Maya. Use the iron rod of discrimination, cut the knot of ignorance and soar high in the realms of peace and bliss.

May you all overcome lust, anger and greed! May you become Jivanmuktas in this very life!